Last month I talked about anxieties and how they can turn into panic attacks. This resonated with quite a number of people. At the other end of the anxiety scale is worrying.
People who are worriers worry about their school, their job, their kids, their parents, their past and their future. They think ‘what if this happens’ and ‘what if that happens’ and all sorts of other ‘what if’s’. Often they lack confidence and decision making skills.
Recently a girl came who loves riding but since she’d had a fall she was worrying unnecessarily. What if she was riding and something frightened him, what if she was on her own, what if she had another fall. She was an experienced rider, she knew the horse had the loveliest temperament and had never bolted before. She knew that at the time it was just an unusual circumstance, but she couldn’t help it, she was worrying. She wasn’t happy riding anymore and was having to think of excuses why she wasn’t going out. Her passion for riding had been replaced with worry, fear and lack of confidence. She was thinking that she should sell her lovely horse.
Golfers worry too. They make a duff shot on a hole, miss the ball completely, or it goes somewhere it shouldn’t, and they feel acutely embarrassed and fed up with themselves. Next thing they start worrying whether they will do it again and sure enough they do! It can become a self fulfilling prophesy. If it continues then over time they lose their confidence and their enjoyment of the game and consider giving it up.
Exam times are a classic worry time. What if I am late, what if I haven’t studied enough, what if I run out of time, what if I don’t pass, what if ….
Worry can spiral, it can seem irrational but unstoppable. Worriers know well enough that they shouldn’t be worrying but people telling them to relax just makes it worse. Some give in and say ‘I am a born worrier”
So, if this sounds like you, what do you do about it? Well, its no point continuing to worry that’s for sure, or burying your head in the sand. It won’t get better that way.
Seek some objective help. Family and friends can try but don’t have the objectiveness, nor the skills. Find an experienced person who can work with you to bring things back into perspective, to help let the tenseness go, and not just a listener either. You want someone who you can talk to confidentially, learn from, and you want value for time and money. If you need such a person perhaps I can help. My first 20 minutes is free for you to decide if my way seems right. If it is then after the hour and a half you could leave feeling very relaxed and positive about your choice. It may not take very long to sort you out at all!